Single and Showered with Support

February 15th, 2011 in Uncategorized comment 20 Comments »

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Andy Warhol Shower Cupcakes ..."the idea of waiting for something makes it more enticing". The cupcakes at the other shower were "to die for" too!

This past Saturday I attended Bientôt Bébe, the hospital’s prenatal course, at the Royal Victoria where I will be delivering my baby sometime very soon.   I was THE only single woman there among a sea of a dozen couples.  The nurse who was leading the course didn’t seem used to having single women in the class and her language the entire day was focussed on the couple.   When it came time to practice massage during labour, I was the “lucky” contestant called to the stage to be her guinea pig.    

Fortunately, I have thick skin about this stuff.  Even still, as we watched the video in which the husband was incredibly supportive during labour (many friends who are mothers would say this is the exception), I found myself feeling sad and very on my own. Certainly, I would love to to sharing the birthing process and my newborn with a loving partner and father. Ultimately though, I chose to have a baby myself  because it didn’t feel right to create a family with any of the men I have been in relationships with.    As I have told many friends, I have a lot of confidence that I will someday be sharing my child with a loving partner. I am just doing it backwards out of biological necessity.  Perhaps my love life will unfold in keeping with this kookie horoscope a friend sent me earlier this week:

“CANCER (June 21-July 22): Your love story has elements of a farce mixed
with a soap opera, fairy tale, and ghost story. For a normal human being,
it might be too intense and convoluted to deal with; it requires so much
willing suspension of disbelief and involves so much letting go of certainty
that no one in their right mind would agree to its demands. Luckily, you’re
not a normal human being these days, and you’re not particularly in your
right mind. That’s why I say unto you: Ride this snaky tale for all it’s
worth. Enjoy every plot twist and riddle as if you’ve been given an epic
myth you can ponder and learn from for the next ten years. Happy
Valentine Daze, Cancerian!”

The flip side to this “woe is me” perspective above is that I have been showered with support through my fertility journey and particularly though my pregnancy.  I cannot tell you if I have had more support as a single woman than a woman in a couple would have had but I suspect the answer is YES. 

The newly painted baby room and some adorable gifts hanging out together.

If you read my last post, you know I like to make lists.  I would love to make comprehensive list of all the support I have had just to see it for myself but I will surely forget to acknowledge someone.  Instead I will talk in slightly more general terms: Two close friends hosted baby showers for me in Toronto and Montreal respectively. My Toastmasters group also held a “baby shower” themed evening;  another close friend attended many medical procedures with me  and will be with me in labour too; my dad flew up to Montreal last week from Charlottetown to do house projects and my aunt had flown up earlier and help me get organized; friends have done everything from sort baby clothes hand me downs to moving furniture and have even painted the baby room from top to bottom; other friends and my sister gave me maternity clothes (and baby clothes); my landlord has been shovelling all the snow; some of my clients have sent gifts; my mom is flying up on my due date to help me for 3 weeks! And I even received a baby book in the mail from my favourite blogger Penelope Trunk, who said I didn’t really qualify for her book give away offer because my baby wasn’t even born yet and then proceeded to send me a lovely book with a yellow bow anyway!

Duck at the Door from Penelope Trunk

And so, what I am learning these days is that perhaps I can have everything I want in life, just not all at the same time. And that having a supportive family and an incredible group of friends, colleagues and clients helps me feel strong. I am certainly not alone in any of this. And I am GRATEFUL.
I have given myself full permission to blog on whatever topic inspires me these days. Generally, I like to tie my posts to some type of business theme. As I wrap up my work to take a few months off for a maternity leave, I am naturally more in tune with my naval and all things baby.  Nonetheless, I think there are parallels one can draw to business too.  Being an entrepreneur can be a very lonely endeavour unless one is surrounded by a village of support.

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Comments (20 comments)

  • You deserve to be showered with support, love and cupcakes…every moment of every day.

  • Anita says:

    Your strength inspires me. And that baby is so lucky to have you as its mom!
    I hope to see you soon!!

  • Beth Nichol says:

    If on PEI today you would have been showered with wind and snow. Love snow days especially when not working. Lisa, you have your work cut out but you will excel at your new role in life. Let us know what you are needing, wanting and we’ll see if we can help you out. Forget the lists and just wing it! Plan as you want but be prepared for a change in plans! Speaking from experience. Love Aunt Beth

  • Elene says:

    Ditto Tanya & Ditto Aunt Beth!

    So if the walls of the nursery are blue…..can I jump to conclusions???

    I have a countdown calendar running in Chicago for you. You will be an awesome mom b/c you’re an awesome person. THAT’s what matters. Newborns need love and wonderful energy and you’ve got both in spades. Just use your coaching training and “be with” whatever is going on mommy-wise. As Aunt Beth says, any plan from this point forward is subject to change!

    XOXO E

  • Elene says:

    p.s. take what you like and leave the rest in regards to all that prenatal class stuff. Lamaze breathing made me hyperventilate! Yoga breathing worked tons better for me…dance in the moment! :-)

  • Carole says:

    I agree with Beth!! You can make all the lists you want but just remember, babies can change all the best laid plans in a second!!! But I am sure you will go with the flow because you are a strong women!!! I am women hear me roarrrrrrr!!!!

  • Lisa says:

    Support and love sound good…but cupcakes every moment of the day…that just doesn’t sound sustainable, T!! xo

  • Lisa says:

    Thank you, Anita! Yes, one of these times when you text to see if I am home, I really will be home and you can drop by :)

  • Lisa says:

    You said it, Beth. All the lists in the world won’t prepare me for what is coming. I look forward to the letting go that will be necessary to thrive as a mother. Thanks for your reminder of your support.

  • Lisa says:

    Hi Elene
    Nope…don’t jump to conclusions. The baby room is a purple/ grey…choosen to work for whatever I have which is still a TBD when he/she enters the world. I agree, the skill of “being with” will be one of the most important. Thanks for counting down the days with me. It’s nice to have international support!!
    Lisa xo

  • Lisa says:

    Dancing in the moment is exactly the way I would like to go thru labour and motherhood. I went to tango on Sunday and enjoyed it so much…a last hoorah. Tango makes a great metaphor for labour and now that you pointed me there, I am going to remember it. It helps that my friend Claire, who will be present, along with my doula, is also a tango dancer.

  • Lisa says:

    Thanks, Carole. Yes, I am better at going with the flow than I used to be but this babe is sure to challenge me in ways I have never been challenged before. I welcome it and know it will be humbling too.

  • Betty says:

    All the love and guidance that you will shower on this new little life will make “all right”. I have no doubt that when you wrote last fall and you pictured yourself next fall with a partner and new child “in hand” your persistence and strength will make it all happen. Can’t wait for the arrival news – Momma Lisa and Nana Karen will be the greatest “welcoming party”. xxoo

  • Lisa says:

    Thank you Betty. It’s very heartwarming to know this baby is already loved and wanted from many pockets of the world and thoughout our family.

  • Jane says:

    I used none of that pre-natal c**p-for me, it was a waste of time. The only useful bit was the hospital tour. Those cupcakes look devine. Lisa, you’ve got an amazing support system; probably better than most with partners. That baby’s one lucky little monkey. Can’t wait for the announcement. XO

  • Lisa says:

    Hey Jane
    I felt quite angry during day one of the course as I thought some of the info was inaccurate, it was entirely focussed on “the couple” and I was overtired. Day two (held yesterday) was better as the entire morning was a hospital tour (emerg, birth centre, recovery, postpartum). It was good to see where everything goes down. And I did myself a favour and skipped the afternoon section which was to focus on breastfeeding as I have a doula and consulted a lactation consultant. I decided I could do without more contradictory info.
    Yes, I have a great support network. I am most grateful.
    P.S. My friend Tanya is going to send you an email when I give birth.

  • Val Duffey says:

    Lisa, As another SMBC (single mom by choice) I can totally relate to what you were feeling in that prenatal class–parenting sure looks like a ‘couply’ experience, doesn’t it? But make no mistake, motherhood is a singular and sweet ride and it’s all yours to take! You are about to discover there is nothing at all missing in your life–that beautiful baby you’ve made will provide you with more wholeness, more completeness, and more sense of family than you could ever imagine. Love, Val PS. loved the horoscope as a fellow Cancerian!!

  • Lisa says:

    Hi Val
    Thanks for your continued interest in my path to motherhood. I know how enthusiastic you are about your life with Elliot and I believe I will feel the same type of joy. Lisa

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