Loading...Worry: Before and After
December 11th, 2010 in Uncategorized
18 Comments »
Tags: business coaching, Celebrate, Challenge, Difficult Conversation, relationships
Back in June my friend Deborah Hinton sent me a link to a post entitled Life After Worry. At the time, I was busy so I filed it for future reading….like on a Friday night when I had planned to attend a Christmas party but feel too tired to go out in the cold again. Given some events of this week, I cannot get over the timeliness of reading this post.
Life Before Worry Ends
The whole notion of worry strikes a chord with me this week based on a couple of interactions I had with people I like very much. In the first case I was the recipient of the other person’s worry. When I told this person about my plans for a maternity leave (3 months completely off and maybe 6) , she emailed this:
I have to be honest. I am concerned about you. I have run my own business since 20xx. You cannot turn work on and off to fit your plans. You have no second income to fall back on. I am concerned that work will not be there exactly when you need it and you may be faced with very limited choices. I don’t want to see you in a difficult situation.
Hmm…sadly I didn’t sleep well that night.
I was the worrier in the other instance. I told a friend, in a heart to heart we had this week, that when she runs really low on money or isn’t sure of her job situation, I really worry about her.
What has been dawning on me since, is that my “concern” is no different than the concern expressed in the email above. Rather than showing my love, care and support, worrying about my friend undermines her ability to take care of herself and land on her feet.
Intention vs Impact
In both cases above, the intention is support. The impact, however, doesn’t feel like support at all. It feels instead like being thrown up upon with a projectile vomit of the fear! Ick!
Single Motherhood and Entrepreneurship
Certainly I have some fears about how single motherhood and entrepreneurship go together. Mostly I manage them well (except in the middle of the night after an email full of worry). I know I am resilient, resourceful, and hardworking. I know I have been financially independent for many years. I know I have always saved well and that having earned well as a sales director in my most recent career is what has given me the freedom to retrain and build my coaching business from the ground up.
Walking Away From Momentum
If most of the opportunities in my current pipeline land, January will be my highest revenue month to date since starting my business in June 2008. In some ways, it feels ironic to be wanting to/ needing to wind down my work by mid February when there is so much momentum, but as my friend Claire points out:
Your baby project and your business have always been parallel pursuits so it’s not ironic that they are both coming to fruition at the same time.
Life After Worry
As a book end to my worrying colleague and my worrying about another friend, this unsolicited comment came from a good friend when I wrote to her that I was proud this week of reaching my revenue targets for Q4.
Congratulations on hitting your targets!!! I certainly show you are able to do itt!!! Isn’t that comforting before you go off on maternity leave? You’ll make this all happen Lisa! I have no doubt in your ability and desire to live the life you want and this is only one milestone!
Even my mom, normally a consumate worrier, said this:
Congratulations on meeting your financial goals. That is awesome given your situation and the fact that you have been feeling so miserable. It is certainly not a matter of luck as you have put so much hard work into this…I know you will find a way.
Now those comments are refreshing. There is no sign of worry or doubt. Only confidence and genuine championing.
The Choice is Yours
So what will it be for you?
- To worry about yourself and those around you and project concern all over the place? or,
- To stop your worry hamster on his wheel and choose to trust in your own resilience and the strength of others around you?
It is a choice, you know!
Related posts:
- A Procrastination Buster for Entrepreneurs- Part 1
- Business Experiments in the Test Kitchen of Life
- Living Life and Business in Medium
- Creating a Meaningful Life
- "Ship, then test!" says Guy Kawasaki
I really appreciated this, Lisa. Thanks for sharing your own experience to illustrate the concept.
Congrats on meeting your goals Lisa. That is fantastic! I beleive that your outlook greatly impacts your outcome. You are bright,talented and have worked so hard…that whether you take a 3 or 6 month leave…things will be OK. Perhaps you will foster an attitute of plenty as opposed to scarcity (as Sandler would say:)
Very proud of you in ALL your accomplishments.
Jill xo
Coming from a champion or worriers “don’t use precious time worrying – Your a strong independent woman, just take a moment to think about all of the things in your life you have made happen – you will make all of the avenues of your life run in parallel – just enjoy, with no negative thoughts, the next 6 months. You have made it all happen and you will continue to make it all happen
xxoo
Thanks Laura. I couldn’t help but draw on some personal examples as I lived them this very week. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Hi Jill
Definitely an attitude of plenty is the way to go. I have a book called The Trance of Scarcity that illustrates your point really well. Thanks for the affirmations.
Lisa
Hi Betty
Having a supportive family is part of what makes everything possible. Thank you for your comments this a.m. Hope you can live “Life After Worry” too!
Lisa
Glad you found the article inspiring Lisa. It’s funny that once you get that worry is a choice, just as sharing worry is a choice, you can stop worrying and get back to dealing with reality. And in your case though there are many unknowns, the knowns are that you are highly capable and loving person who has managed all kinds of balancing acts in the past and are surrounded with a strong and supportive network. Big hug.
Hi Deb
The original blog post was bang on and really hit the spot this week. What I love discovering is that we can always be in choice. We learn this over and over again in coach training and then sometimes forget it in our own lives. It was particularly poignant to have worry “throw up all over me” and live the impact and realize I was doing to others sometimes. Ah those great life lessons!
Hugs back.
Lisa
so good Lisa. I love the inspiration through honesty and through your example. congratulations on all your accomplishments and creations. way to start off 2011 with a bang! The fruits of your labour are here!! Julie
Lisa -
There’s a quote I love from the aviator Charles Lindburgh: to worry adds another hazard.
I got through the month of August quoting Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer. When a dog is panicking, he keeps his mind moving forward until they realize “Nothing bad is happening right now”.
One of my clients turned the phrase into “nobaharino”.
You are a phenomenal coach and that won’t change with motherhood. You will also be a phenomenal mother. Each experience will make the other richer. I know whereof I speak!
Elene
Feels good, Julie. You have permission to remind me of this post when you see me fall into worry!
Hi Elene
I love the “nothing bad is happening right now” and your client’s short form- noboharino! It’s true that as soon as we become aware that nothing bad is happening right now we can observe that we are worrying about the future or lamenting about the past and bring ourselves sharply back into the present moment, when happily, nothing bad is happening!!
Thank you for your confidence. You have been a steadying force for more than a year and having solid forces like you around me will help me succeed.
Lisa
Great conversation… it takes a village to keep us focused on what is real. You have a great village, Lisa, pluslife is conspiring with you and for you. I love this saying… worrying is like praying for what you don’t want! Let’s all remind each other of this whenever we need it.
Hugs,
Monica
Hi Monica
This post is bringing out some great sayings worth remembering. Such a folly to put attention on what we don’t want, I agree. I also agree that life is conspiring to help me and that I have a great village. Nice to count you as part of my tribe (and I am part of yours too!).
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
I’m enjoying your blogs – you’re a wise a woman. Hope the pregnancy is going well and worry free.
Lots of love
Fiona
Hi Fiona
Really nice to hear from you, across the miles. Pregnancy is pretty much worry-free…uncomfortable for different reasons (i.e. heartburn etc.) but the only worry that causes is “oh no, am I going to have to sleep sitting up again??”
Happy Christmas to you!
Lisa
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[...] days). I have been planning my “leave of absence” for a very long time. At times I have worried that creating a baby and a business at the same time were completely incompatible. At other times, [...]